What does the husband of one wife phrase in 1 Timothy 3:2 mean?

Question: "What does the husband of one wife
phrase in 1 Timothy 3:2 mean? Can a divorced
man serve as a pastor, elder, or deacon?"
Answer: There are at least three possible
interpretations of the phrase husband of one
wife in 1 Timothy 3:2 (ESV) . 1) It could simply
be saying that a polygamist is not qualified to
be an elder, a deacon or a pastor. This is the
most literal interpretation of the English
rendering of the phrase, but seems somewhat
unlikely considering that polygamy was quite
rare in the time that Paul was writing. 2) The
Greek could literally be translated as “one-
woman man.” In other words, a bishop must be
absolutely loyal to the woman he is married to.
This interpretation acknowledges that the
original text focuses not on marital status but
on moral purity. 3) The phrase could also be
understood to declare that, in order to be an
elder/deacon/pastor, a man can only have been
married once, other than in the case of a
remarried widower; in other words, a pastor
cannot be a divorcé.
Interpretations 2 and 3 are the most prevalent
today. Interpretation 2 seems to be the
strongest, primarily because Scripture allows for
divorce in exceptional circumstances ( Matthew
19:9 ; 1 Corinthians 7:12–16 ). It is also
important to differentiate a man who was
divorced and remarried before he became a
Christian from a man who was divorced and
remarried after becoming a Christian. An
otherwise qualified man should not be excluded
from church leadership because of his actions
prior to coming to know the Lord Jesus Christ
as his Savior. Although 1 Timothy 3:2 does not
necessarily exclude a divorced or remarried man
from serving as an elder/deacon/pastor, there
are other issues to consider.
The first qualification of an elder/deacon/pastor
is to be “above reproach” ( 1 Timothy 3:2 ). If the
divorce and/or remarriage had no biblical
grounds, then the man has damaged his
testimony in the church and community; the
“above reproach” qualification will exclude him
from the pastorate rather than the “husband of
one wife” requirement. An elder/deacon/pastor
is to be a man whom the church and community
can look up to as an example of Christlikeness
and godly leadership. If a past divorce and/or
remarriage detracts from this ideal, then he
should not serve in the position of elder/
deacon/pastor. It is important to remember
that, even though a man is disqualified from
serving as an elder/deacon/pastor, he is still a
valuable member of the body of Christ. Every
Christian possesses spiritual gifts ( 1 Corinthians
12:4–7 ) and is called to participate in edifying
other believers with those gifts ( 1 Corinthians
12:7 ). A man who is disqualified from the
position of elder/deacon/pastor can still teach,
preach, serve, pray, worship, and play an
important role in the church.

10 Statements That Will Change Your Marriage

10 Statements That Will Change Your Marriage

Sue Schlesman

When you get married, you’re looking for the “magic words” that will propel you and your spouse into marital bliss. You’ve watched a lot of romantic comedies, and you’re waiting to hear “You had me at...” or “I’d die for you.” Instead, you hear “Why can’t you--“ and “You should have--.” Arguments spin out of control from what seem to be simple conversations, like who forgot to put gas in the car or who left milk on the counter.

The reality of married life is that we all settle into negative and positive communication. Both kinds of communication change a marriage, for either bad or good. Both can set you on a high-speed chase toward either disappointment or satisfaction.

Proverbs 12:18 warns, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”Let’s look at some common negative and positive statements that have the power to bring healing to your marriage, instead of strife.

Negative Statements to Avoid:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”(Proverbs 15:1) 

1. “You always... /You never...”

While it may seem like your husband never puts down the toilet seat or your wife never gets ready on time, making “always” and “never” accusations puts your spouse in a defensive posture. It’s an attack, which means the person being attacked will go into fight/flight/or freeze mode because he/she feels threatened. And because the threats are emanating from a spousal relationship, hurt and distrust will be sown into the marriage. Be careful not to pigeonhole, over-exaggerate, or misinterpret your spouse’s actions. Nobody does the same thing all the time. Pointing out an annoyance with “always” or “never” creates a combative environment and will certainly not encourage changed behavior. An alternative action toward annoyances is to have honest conversation.

2. “If you _____________, I’ll divorce you.”

This statement is a threat and a signal that your commitment to the marriage is conditional. Your intention might be to draw boundaries or give a warning, but you’re really saying, “Measure up to my standards, or you will prove yourself unworthy of me.” That’s not a “til-death-do-us-part” promise or a covenant with God. When catastrophes happen in your marriage, seek wise counsel until the issues can be worked out. Divorce is a solution that could make your life more complicated, and not necessarily happier.

3. “We never should have gotten married.”

Many people, during rough patches of married life, wonder if they married the wrong person. Perhaps that’s why you take vows on your wedding day--to make sure you don’t jump ship in high waters. When you start to worry, focus instead on learning to become a better person and better partners to each other. Marriage is work for everyone. But believing that your spouse isn’t good enough for you or that you could do better sets you up to make the same mistake again with your next choice. 

4. “I told you that you shouldn’t _________.”

Any version of “I told you so” passes blame and responsibility to the other person and claims superiority for oneself. It means you’re too proud to consider your contribution to the misunderstanding. That’s not exactly a friendly atmosphere for communication or problem-solving. If you retaliate or blame your spouse, you are showing disrespect, thus driving a bigger wedge between you. 

5. “My mother was right about you.”

Similar to “I never should have married you,” this one adds another punch--shame--(i.e. my mother hates you, and we’ve talked about it a lot). Using relatives as ammunition against your spouse communicates a collective idea that your spouse will never amount to anything, and everybody knows it. Even if you resolve things between you, you’ve planted the seed that he/she will never please your family. You have taken a hack-saw to his/her self-image and a possible good relationship with your family.

Positive:

Proverbs 16:24 promises, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” 

1. “I will love you forever.”

Ephesians 6:23 explains how a husband and wife should love/respect each other: their relationship should mirror Jesus Christ and the church. Eternal, sacrificial love is not a feeling--it’s a decision. It requires sacrifice. That’s what loving forever is all about.

2. “I’m not leaving. You can’t push me away.”

Sometimes, when a person is in crisis, he/she begins using language like “You’d be better off without me,” “I’m no good for you,” “Why don’t you leave me?” These are cries for help; they are indications of emotional stress and insecurity. Rather than jumping down the rabbit hole with flattery, affirm your commitment to your spouse (the real fear) and take your spouse to see a counselor who can help peel away the layers of fear that can ruin your marriage.

3. “You’re my hero. You’re amazing.”

Stating your admiration for your spouse in reference to character is key to building a strong marital relationship. Beauty will fade, but integrity will gain strength and influence with encouragement. Look for ways to appreciate and admire your spouse for internal, not external, beauty. Praise will also make it harder to find fault and will create an environment of grace.

4. “How can I help?”

When our spouse is struggling through something, instead of solving the problem or telling him/her how to solve it, try asking how your spouse would like you to be involved. This will eliminate disappointment and confusion on both sides and give you a chance to problem-solve together. Your spouse may want to handle it alone; if so, have a conversation about why. (It might be due to insecurity or a fear of pleasing you.) Affirming your love and admiration can be the best help of all.

5. “I’m sorry for ____________; please forgive me.”

Admitting your faults, asking forgiveness, and asking your spouse how you can make it right covers the basics of a good apology. Unless you are willing to go through the complete forgiveness process with your spouse every time you have a disagreement, you might not completely resolve the offense. Then, the next time something similar happens, your spouse will seemingly over-react, and you will have a full-blown war on your hands, simply because a previous issue never really got settled. Learn to own your part of every disagreement. Be willing to apologize first.

Communication is not a mystery. But it is an important part of being happily married. 

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6)

TEN (10) GOLDEN SECRETS OF MARRIAGE:

TEN (10) GOLDEN SECRETS OF MARRIAGE:
TO THOSE WHO ARE MARRIED AND/OR ARE PREPARING TO GET MARRIED SOON

1. EVERYONE YOU MARRY HAS A WEAKNESS

Only God has no weakness. Every rose flower has its own thorn. If you focus too much on your spouse's weakness, you can't get the best out of his/her strength.

2. EVERYONE YOU MARRY HAS A DARK HISTORY

No one is an Angel, therefore, avoid digging into one's past. What matters is the present life of your partner. Old things are passed away. Try to forgive and forget. The past can't be changed. So FOCUS on the present and the future!

3. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS IT'S OWN CHALLENGES

Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every shinning marriage has gone through its own test of hot and excruciating fire. True love is proved in times of challenge. Fight for your marriage! Make up your mind to stay with your spouse in time of need. Remember, this is the vow you made on your wedding day!

4. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS DIFFERENT LEVELS OF SUCCESS

Don't compare your marriage with anyone else's! We can never be equal, some will be far in front and others far behind. To avoid marriage stresses, be patient, work hard and with time, your marriage dreams shall come true.

5. TO MARRY IS TO DECLARE A WAR

When you marry, you must declare a war against enemies of marriage. Some of the enemies of marriage are: Ignorance, Prayerlessness, Unforgiveness, Adultery, Third Party Influence, Stinginess, Stubbornness, Lack of Love, Rudeness, Wife Battery, Laziness, Divorce, etc. Be ready to fight to maintain your marriage zone.

6. THERE IS NO PERFECT MARRIAGE

There is no ready made marriage anywhere. Marriage is hard work, volunteer yourself and perfect it daily. Marriage is like a CAR with gear oil, gear box, brake hassles and if these parts are not properly maintained, the car will breakdown somewhere along the road and exposing the occupant to unhealthy circumstances. - Many of us are careless about our marriage... Are you? If you are, please pay attention to your marriage.

7. GOD CANNOT GIVE YOU THE COMPLETE PERSON YOU DESIRE

He (God) gives you, him or her in the form of raw materials in order for you to mould what you desire. You may desire a woman who can pray for 1 hour but your wife may only manage to pray for 30 minutes. With your love, prayer and encouragement, she will improve.

8. TO MARRY IS TO TAKE A RISK

You cannot predict what will happen after marriage, as situations may change, so, leave room for adjustment. Pregnancy may not come in the next 4 years. You may get marry to her because she's slim but she becomes 100% fatter after having a child. He may lose his beautiful job and you have to take the financial responsibility of the family until he gets a new job. But with God by your side, you will smile at last.

9. MARRIAGE IS NOT A CONTRACT, IT IS PERMANENT

Marriage needs total commitment, love is the glue that makes a couple stick together. Divorce starts in the mind. Never think of divorce! Never threaten your spouse with divorce. Choose to remain married! God hates divorce

10. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS A PRICE TO PAY

Marriage is like a bank account. It is the money you deposit into your bank account that you can withdrawn. If you don't deposit love, peace and care into your marriage, you are not a candidate for a blissful home. There is no free love in marriage, You cannot love without giving and sacrificing.

May God Give us The Grace and Wisdom to Build a Heaven on Earth Marriage!!!

THE PASTOR WHO TAUGHT THE MARRIED ABOUT PRAYER

✝ A Must  Read till the End. 🙏👍

THE PASTOR WHO TAUGHT THE MARRIED ABOUT PRAYER

Joe and his wife don't sit next to each other during Church services.

Even when going to Church services, they go in different vehicles; and when they travel in the same car, it is usually a very quiet and uncomfortable ride.

Joe sat at his usual spot in the Church service; the fourth line on the far left row. His wife sat on the center row.

The Pastor took to the podium.

"Husbands, stop wasting your time praying" the Pastor began.

The congregants got alarmed. No one expects to hear a pastor saying prayer is a waste of time.

"I am not here to discourage you to pray. I am here to encourage you to pray right.

Husbands, stop wasting your time praying if you are not treating your wife well.

The Word says that when you treat your wife badly, it hinders your prayers. Men, you claim to be prayerful.

You come to church driving your expensive cars, giving your offertory and tithes, active in Church, some of you are Church leaders; but how are you treating your wife?

You may look good to us Church members, but it is your wife and children that know who you truly are" said the Pastor.

Joe turned to face his wife. She looked at him. Joe could see her eyes.

Her left eye swollen from the blow he gave her last week when she confronted him about his alcoholism, pornography use and mischievous behavior.

People couldn't tell she had a black eye because of the make up she had on, so well done.

The Pastor continued, "People have perfected the art of cover up. Here in Church, so many are hurting but you wouldn't know.

People come here wearing their nice clothes, shiny smiles, they are active in ministry but hurting a lot in their marriage.

We have become numb and plastic, brushing things under the carpet. But today we shall heal; we shall address those wounds we hide"

The Pastor cleared his throat and continued, "Many of those who are hurting their spouse are using the church to hide.

They think that because they give offertory and tithe, because they make public prayers, because they stand in front to give testimonies or because they hold a Church leadership position that they are right with God. God is interested in what you do in your marriage and in your family.

Your first ministry is your home. Stop trying to blackmail God with your service in Church yet you are mean and hurtful towards your spouse"

Many of the members of the congregation got restless and unsettled.

The Pastor continued, "Many of those who are being hurt by their spouse hide their pain and want to project an image that all is well to validate that they are blessed and in control.

Some of you are active in Church to run away from the pain in your marriage"

The congregation was silent. Some straightening their ties, others fidgeting with their Bibles, adjusting their sitting position.

This pastor was preaching truth and it was uncomfortable.

The Pastor continued, "The husbands are not the only ones guilty. Wives, don't you know the Word says when your husband found you he found good and you bring favour?

Then why are you the source of your husband's headache and stress? Have you been so toxic that you have turned your prayerful husband into a prayerless one?

Do you make him regret marrying you because you bring more complications than he had before marrying you?

How you treat your husband can be a stumbling block in his walk with God or an environment that encourages growth.

Many of you married your husband primarily because of his relationship with God, why are you now destroying his relationship with God instead of celebrating and nurturing it?

Why are you being a burden to your husband emotionally, spiritually, socially, sexually and financially instead of being one who brings favour?"

Joe's wife looked at Joe. Joe looked at her, she looked away.

The Pastor paused to drink his glass of water.

The Pastor continued, "When I am thirsty, I drink a glass of water.

When your spouse gets thirsty, will you allow God to use you to bless your spouse?

You've been told many sermons that focus on you as an individual, that God will make you prosper as an individual.

I am here to tell you your blessings are tied to people, you are blessed to be a blessing to others. Our God is not an individualistic God.

Your blessing is tied to your marriage, your family. It's not about you, you, you; it is about Jesus and Jesus is about love.

What good is it to prosper and be successful when you have no love? It is all vanity.

God cares about your family, how you treat your spouse and children"

Silence.

"Yes, we pray. But what kind of prayers does your spouse pray because of you?

When your spouse prays, is it largely to cry to God because of the hurt you bring?

Is it to plead with God to change you from the monster you've become?

Is it to plead for grace to deal with how difficult you are? Or is to give thanks for you?"

Silence.

"Are you really prayerful? Do you really value prayer?

Then why is it that many of you find it easy to come to us priests for us to pray with you as an individual, you find it is easy to pray in public in a Church service or Bible study, but find it so hard to pray with your spouse?

Isn't that telling of what is going on in your marriage? Don't you know that the more you pray with your spouse the stronger your marriage will be?

But how can you find it easy to pray with a spouse you hurt or who hurts you?"

The Pastor paused and looked at the congregation. Eyes staring at him.

"I challenge you. I challenge you to pray with your spouse and to treat your spouse well.

Husbands, you are the head of the home. I challenge you to stand up and go to where your wife is and pray with her as a start of a more prayerful chapter in your marriage.

Don't do it because I asked you to but because you want to. Your choice"

One by one, the husbands present stood up.

Joe stood up too.

Joe walked to where his wife was.

The face of Joe's wife overwhelmed with love, she looked on as her husband walked to her.

She almost stood up but he gave hand gestures at her to stay seated.

Joe reached where she sat. Their eyes met.

Joe knelt down. He stared at her then kissed her swollen left eye.

"I am sorry" he said.

"Can I pray with you?" He asked.

She got up from her seat and knelt down too.

There, on the floor as the Church service was still ongoing, husbands prayed with their wives.

Joe prayed kneeling with his wife.

They prayed for forgiveness, for thanksgiving, for love, for renewal, for peace, for direction; for their marriage.

Marriages were healed at that service .💏✝🛐☮

If You have been blessed by this message please share. You might just be saving a marriage.✝🙏