Friday, 3 February 2017

The boiling frog syndrome

The boiling frog syndrome…!!!

Human beings and frogs are the two creatures in nature who have tremendous power to adjust…

Put a frog in a vessel of water and start heating the water…

As the temperature of the water rises the frog is able to adjust its body temperature accordingly…

The frog keeps adjusting with increase in temperature…

Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog is not able to adjust anymore…

At that point the frog decides to jump out…

The frog decides to jump but is unable to do so, because it lost all its strengths in adjusting with the water temperature…

Very soon the frog dies. What killed the frog?

Many of us would say the boiling water…

But the truth is what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when it had to jump out…

We all need to adjust with people and situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust and when we need to confront/face…

There are times when we need to face the situation and take the appropriate action…

If we allow people to exploit us physically, mentally, emotionally or financially, they will continue to do so…

We have to decide when to jump…

Let us jump while we still have the strength!!!

Unsettled mind... Secret

One day, a wise man was walking from one town to another with a few of his followers.
While they were traveling they happened to pass by a lake.

They stopped to rest there and the wise man asked one of his disciples to get him some water from the lake.

A disciple walked up to the lake and noticed bullock cart started crossing through the lake.
As a result, the water became very muddy. So he came back and told the wise man, “The water in the lake is muddy. I don’t think it is suitable to drink.”

After a while, the wise man again asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him some water.

The disciple obediently went back to the lake. This time he found out that the mud had settled down.

The water was clean so he collected some in a pot and brought it to the wise man.

The wise man looked at the water then looked up at the disciple and said,
“See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be and the mud settled down on its own. It is also the same with your mind. When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it little time and it will settle down on its own.”

A disturbed mind cannot make the best decision. Give yourself some time and allow yourself some time and allow yourself to settle down.

Keep calm and remember there’s always a way out.

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Lesson from the 5 Monkeys in a cage

A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top.

Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.

After a while, every time a monkey went up the ladder, the other beat up the one on the ladder.
After some time, no monkey dare to go up the ladder regardless of the temptation.

Scientists then decided to substitute one of the monkeys. The 1st thing this new monkey did was to get up the ladder. Immediately the other monkeys beat him up.

After several beatings, the new member learned not to climb the ladder even though never knew why.

A 2nd monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The 1st monkey participated on the beating for the 2nd monkey was changed and the same was repeated (beating). The 4th was substituted and the beating was repeated and finally the 5th monkey was replaced.

What was left was a group of 5 monkeys that even though never received cold shower, continued to beat up any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.

If it was possible to ask the monkeys why they would beat up all those who attempted to go up the ladder……… I bet you the answer would be….
I DON’T KNOW --- that’s how things are done around here”

Does it sound familiar?

Don’t miss the opportunity to share this with others as they might be asking themselves why we continue to d what we are doing if there is a different way out there.

“Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity. And I am not sure about the former.” – Albert Eistein

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Monday, 30 January 2017

WELCOME TO PARKVILLE

WELCOME TO PARKVILLE

(A FRIEND STORY)

At a workshop I attended, art and drama therapist Emily Nash shared an experience she had while working with traumatized children and adolescents at a residential treatment center in the U.S. The boys who attended her class were often combative, prone to negative and self-destructive behavior, and unable to trust adults or even one another. Almost all had histories of severe abuse and emotional neglect.

They routinely brought their negative attitudes into the classroom, as reflected in their foul speech and rough mannerisms.

Sitting in a circle in typical group counseling fashion, some of them expressed their anger through statements like “I hate being here” or “I hate doing this!”
“Fine,” Emily would say, “but why?” She put the question to them one by one.

“There’s no respect!”
“These jerks laugh at me!”
“Nobody listens to me!”
“Too many fights!”

After listening to their reasons, Emily replied, “What I am hearing is not that you hate this class exactly, but that you hate living in a community where people don’t respect or trust one another, make fun of people they don’t like, and fight.”

They nodded in agreement as if to say, “At last someone is listening!”

“What if,” Emily asked, “we were to create a community where you did feel respected, a community in which your needs were met, a community in which you felt safe? What would that community be like? Let’s create it together!”

The boys’ imaginations shifted into gear.

“Let’s call it Parkville!” someone called out. Everyone agreed.

Parkville developed into a six-month project. The class made a banner that read: Welcome to Parkville—Where all your needs are met! They drew a map of the town, including points of interest that reflected what they wanted in their community. They elected and appointed people to fill various roles in the town: mayor, superintendent of the school, director of the arts center, owner and chef of the community café, manager of the video store, and many more. They created special events. They found solutions to Parkville’s problems in town hall meetings. Parkville became a community that they all said they would love to live in. Many expressive art projects were born from the creation of this imaginary idyllic town.

The first step was to draw the young people out by asking questions and listening carefully and respectfully to their answers, even though they came across quite negative at first. The next step was to challenge them to make a difference by channeling their energy into constructive projects that interested them. Emily explains Parkville’s success:

The project gave these young people an opportunity to experience living in a well-functioning community, many of them for the first time, even if only while they were together at the center. Their community became one in which there was support, where they could express their needs and others would listen and respond, a community built on mutual respect and care, a community of possibility.

In role-play they found that they could be effective citizens and had something to contribute. Self-imposed limitations were stretched, and new strengths and capacities were accessed. An adolescent who was engaged in destructive behavior was transformed into a leader, a caring father, a resource to the community.

Various methods are being used today to reach youth through their own interests, such as sports programs, art and drama therapy, and community projects. Through these, young people can acquire lifelong skills and a positive self-image. When we help them identify goals and find ways to overcome the obstacles they encounter along the way, we help them realize their potential.

Numbers 23:19 ESV / God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?

1 John 2:24 ESV / Let what you heard from the beginning abide in you. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, then you too will abide in the Son and in the Father.

2 Peter 3:9 ESV / The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Onyedikachi Kingsley Ogbonna ( Surv.)

Friday, 27 January 2017

A NEW LEASE ON LIFE

A NEW LEASE ON LIFE

(A FRIEND STORY)

“That’s not fair” must have been my three most-used words when growing up. It seemed that someone—or everyone—always had it better than me. By my early teens I had a well-developed measure-and-analyze mindset, and I was particularly obsessed with comparing my looks, personality, and abilities with those of other girls my age.
When I came into young adulthood and joined an office team, it was all about measuring up at work. I was convinced that the only way I would ever be accepted or appreciated was if I made up for my relative lack of skill and experience by working harder than everyone else. I was always trying to gain points (whatever those were and whoever was giving them out), and I was always frustrated with my self-assessed score.

I didn’t like myself in general, and even the things that I liked somewhat I wouldn’t give myself a passing grade for until I improved them a bit. I could always find something wrong.

Then another big source of discontentment kicked in—feeling cheated and like a loser because nearly all of my friends, who were also in their early and mid-twenties, were married and had children, while I still didn’t have so much as a serious boyfriend. I wasn’t sure whether that was God’s fault or my own, so I was upset at both of us.

I could hardly stand to be around other people, because almost everyone made me feel inadequate in some way, but paradoxically I also found a lot to disapprove of in everybody else. You would think that I would have focused on their strong points, since I was always wishing I were more like them, but that wasn’t the case. Not surprisingly, my negative attitude toward others caused them to keep their distance, which made me feel more unlikable and hopeless. It was a vicious cycle.
At a particularly low point, I read some articles by Maria Fontaine about recognizing and overcoming negative thought patterns. These made a definite impression on me, as I started to realize why I was so discontent and began to want to do something about it. Understanding the concept that I could change was the seed of freedom.
The way she applied biblical principles started me reflecting on my life from a very different angle—one of thankfulness to God for all He had given me, rather than complaint over what He hadn’t given me; one of gratitude, rather than resentment.

I also asked Jesus to tell me what He thought of me, and then I tried to look at things from His perspective. Through this I learned to communicate with Jesus more deeply than I had before, and gradually I started to change—first my mind, and then my life. Through hearing from Him, I came to understand that I had been made the way I was because that was what He wanted, that He really did love me, and that He wasn’t out to punish me for anything I’d done wrong.

I also joined a small prayer group, where we would explain our struggles and then pray for one another. Those times of prayer channeled the life-changing power of God into my life. They also put me in a position to receive a lot of encouragement and support from caring friends, which in itself went a long way toward my development of a healthier self-image.

Something else that helped me gain both confidence and compassion was getting to better know some of the people whom I once envied, because I found that their lives weren’t as perfect as I had imagined. Things really do even out.

I found that I could love more completely once my relationships with others weren’t hampered by envy. I could appreciate others’ good qualities, thank God for the wonderful way He made them, and enjoy our differences, realizing that they’re just that—differences. One wasn’t necessarily better than the other.

It took some time to break old habits—nearly two years from the time I took my first steps toward change until there was a notable difference in my attitude toward life—but it happened. My perspective changed to the point that I can now say I’m truly content and don’t envy anyone. I consider that a miracle.

Now, nearly 10 years later, I’m happy to say that my inner makeover was a lasting one. I know that some things are truly not my strong points, and I accept that. As a result, I’m not constantly getting derailed when I notice something about myself that isn’t ideal.

Life continues to get better, and I continue to get happier. I’ve learned that more good things come to a person who looks for the good in life and the beauty in people. I also know that I have the power, through Jesus, to keep making progress in areas that actually matter. It’s amazing how we can learn and grow when we aren’t hampered by paralyzing I-can’t-itis, which is born of negativity and fear of failure.

Romans 8:28 ESV / And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

John 13:34 ESV / A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Mark 9:42 ESV / “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.

Onyedikachi Kingsley Ogbonna (Surv.)

BEAUTIFUL YOU!

BEAUTIFUL YOU!

If all the flowers in the world were one color, or if there was only one type of tree, it would get boring after a while. Beauty is found in variety—the varying types and textures, hues and shades. I don’t understand why people try so hard to all look alike. What’s the beauty in that? I look at these models walking down the runway, and while many of them have symmetrical chiseled features‚ great skin, and what the media and fashion industry promote as “perfect” bodies, most of them look similar. They’re perfect examples of cookie-cutter beauty.

I’m all for people taking good care of themselves and their appearance. I think it glorifies our Maker to dress neatly, be clean, stay fit, and make an effort to look nice. I don’t believe in just “letting yourself go.”

What’s disturbing, though, is when people try to change the way God made them in order to meet someone else’s definition of beauty. When they do that, they’re giving someone else control over them, over how they think, over their happiness. Who decides that one thing is better than another—hair that’s dark or light, curly or straight; bodies that are lean, muscular, or rounded; noses that are large or small; lips that are thin or full? Would you give someone else control over you like that?

When you try so hard to fit a certain mold of beauty‚ whether it suits you or not or is realistic or not, you’re giving up your uniqueness. What’s the attraction of looking like everybody else? The first thing you notice about some people is their hairstyle, or their clothing, or their new nips and tucks or enhancements. You notice the “look” and whether it fits the latest trend. In some cases, the look isn’t attractive or flattering; it doesn’t match the person’s anatomy or personality.

One of the many problems associated with comparing yourself with others or trying to fit into the fashionable standard of beauty is that you’re never going to be truly happy. You might feel a sense of satisfaction that you changed something you didn’t like or kept up with the latest trend, but even if you do manage to achieve the level of beauty that you’re hoping for, even if you finally become the most popular person in your circle of acquaintances, how long do you think it’s going to last? You’ll eventually run into somebody who’s higher up on the physical-beauty ladder. What will you do then?

If it’s happiness you’re looking for‚ you’re not going to find it like that. The constant need to meet the world’s standard of beauty leads to obsession—first the physical makeover, then the molding of your personality to fit the new you, then the struggle to keep the look or to keep up with the changing looks as each trend gives way to a new one. What kind of life is that? Do you think you’ll ever fit the world’s idea of perfect beauty? Not even worldly celebrities can reach it, and they have plenty of money to change anything they want. And change they do, because the trends in what’s beautiful keep changing. Even the rich can barely keep up.

It’s human nature to want to be thought attractive, but true beauty is not only about physical appearance. It’s also about inner beauty, that spark that sets a person apart from the millions of others who are dressing the same way, getting the same haircut, and trying to achieve the same body—the interchangeable masses who desert their individuality in an attempt to keep up with the latest trend.

Save yourself a lot of time, trouble, and grief. Clear your mind of everyone else’s perception of what is beautiful. Set aside everything you’ve thought or seen or been told, and ask God to show you what specific qualities or features He gave you that make you unique. Enhance those, and you’ll bring out the best, most beautiful you.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else.—Judy Garland

Esther 1:11 ESV / To bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown, in order to show the peoples and the princes her beauty, for she was lovely to look at.

1 John 2:15-17 ESV / Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Matthew 5:28 ESV / But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Onyedikachi Kingsley Ogbonna (Surv.)

Saturday, 21 January 2017

TEN (10) GOLDEN SECRETS OF MARRIAGE:

TEN (10) GOLDEN SECRETS OF MARRIAGE:
TO THOSE WHO ARE MARRIED AND/OR ARE PREPARING TO GET MARRIED SOON

1. EVERYONE YOU MARRY HAS A WEAKNESS

Only God has no weakness. Every rose flower has its own thorn. If you focus too much on your spouse's weakness, you can't get the best out of his/her strength.

2. EVERYONE YOU MARRY HAS A DARK HISTORY

No one is an Angel, therefore, avoid digging into one's past. What matters is the present life of your partner. Old things are passed away. Try to forgive and forget. The past can't be changed. So FOCUS on the present and the future!

3. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS IT'S OWN CHALLENGES

Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every shinning marriage has gone through its own test of hot and excruciating fire. True love is proved in times of challenge. Fight for your marriage! Make up your mind to stay with your spouse in time of need. Remember, this is the vow you made on your wedding day!

4. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS DIFFERENT LEVELS OF SUCCESS

Don't compare your marriage with anyone else's! We can never be equal, some will be far in front and others far behind. To avoid marriage stresses, be patient, work hard and with time, your marriage dreams shall come true.

5. TO MARRY IS TO DECLARE A WAR

When you marry, you must declare a war against enemies of marriage. Some of the enemies of marriage are: Ignorance, Prayerlessness, Unforgiveness, Adultery, Third Party Influence, Stinginess, Stubbornness, Lack of Love, Rudeness, Wife Battery, Laziness, Divorce, etc. Be ready to fight to maintain your marriage zone.

6. THERE IS NO PERFECT MARRIAGE

There is no ready made marriage anywhere. Marriage is hard work, volunteer yourself and perfect it daily. Marriage is like a CAR with gear oil, gear box, brake hassles and if these parts are not properly maintained, the car will breakdown somewhere along the road and exposing the occupant to unhealthy circumstances. - Many of us are careless about our marriage... Are you? If you are, please pay attention to your marriage.

7. GOD CANNOT GIVE YOU THE COMPLETE PERSON YOU DESIRE

He (God) gives you, him or her in the form of raw materials in order for you to mould what you desire. You may desire a woman who can pray for 1 hour but your wife may only manage to pray for 30 minutes. With your love, prayer and encouragement, she will improve.

8. TO MARRY IS TO TAKE A RISK

You cannot predict what will happen after marriage, as situations may change, so, leave room for adjustment. Pregnancy may not come in the next 4 years. You may get marry to her because she's slim but she becomes 100% fatter after having a child. He may lose his beautiful job and you have to take the financial responsibility of the family until he gets a new job. But with God by your side, you will smile at last.

9. MARRIAGE IS NOT A CONTRACT, IT IS PERMANENT

Marriage needs total commitment, love is the glue that makes a couple stick together. Divorce starts in the mind. Never think of divorce! Never threaten your spouse with divorce. Choose to remain married! God hates divorce

10. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS A PRICE TO PAY

Marriage is like a bank account. It is the money you deposit into your bank account that you can withdrawn. If you don't deposit love, peace and care into your marriage, you are not a candidate for a blissful home. There is no free love in marriage, You cannot love without giving and sacrificing.

May God Give us The Grace and Wisdom to Build a Heaven on Earth Marriage!!!

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