DO NOT GET MARRIED Unless You Ask Your Partner These

DO NOT GET MARRIED Unless You Ask Your Partner These 11 Questions!

Some good relationship advice before considering marriage is to take the time to ask questions that plumb the inner depths of your partner’s personality and psychology. Here are eleven questions you can ask to his or her suitability for a marriage partner:

1 – Why do you love me? – This is a questions that lovers have asked each other from the beginning of time, but it does provide real information about their psychological and social needs in a mate. If the focus seems to be on what you have or what you can provide materially in the marriage, you might need to look elsewhere for an authentic commitment.

2 – What are you goals and are you willing to adjust them for the relationship? – This question can reveal what priority the relationship has in the overall life plan. If the individual is more to achieve life goals and expects you to do all the adjusting, it could be an unfavorable sign.

3 – Do you know how to compromise? – Compromise is the essence of a good marriage. A person who shows an inclination to feel “it’s my way or the highway” is not a good candidate for the negotiations and compromises that marriage requires.

4 – What’s your relationship with your family? – A bad relationship with family can indicate issues that could affect the marriage. Similarly, someone is too close to his or her family may be so enmeshed that the marriage may not come first. Relationship counseling can help to resolve these issues.

5 – Why do you want to spend your life’s journey with me? – This answer can tell you about the expectations of your partner and whether relationship therapy might be needed to create healthier expectations about your role in the marriage.

6 – Can you keep the romance alive? – Someone who understands the value of keeping romance alive will actively work to invigorate the relationship over time.

7 – Can’t you work through the rough patches. Someone who dislikes conflict or who cannot work out differences will make a poor marriage partner.

8 – What are your parenting skills? – If you intend to have children, the previous family experiences of your partner can have a significant effect on his or her ability to parent.

9 – Can you commit to grow with me instead of away from me? – This answer can tell you whether the person understands the nature of close relationships and the constant maintenance they require.

10 – Will you continue to grow in the relationship? – A person that continues to have hobbies and interests that are separate from the marriage will make a more interesting and independent partner.

11 – If My Life Is Cut Short, Will You Honor My Memory Forever? – An individual that will continue to hold that relationship in memory as a valuable experience, rather than close the book on it, is likely to make the most of the time you have together.

Which of God’s attributes are above all others?

Question: "Which of God’s attributes are above all others?"

Answer: The question of which of God’s attributes are highest or most important or “above” the others must be answered in two parallel modes. One possible answer differentiates between the attributes of God that are more important for us to understand; but we must also consider whether or not some attributes of God are more important for Him, in reality. Interestingly, when we look at the attributes of God, we find they are all unchangeably perfect, so there is no practical difference in their importance—at least not to God. However, from a human viewpoint, the way we understand God’s qualities has to come in a certain order.

In order to be truly “infinitely” perfect, a being has to be perfect in all qualities. Attributes such as omnipotence and omniscience can only exist in cooperation with each other. For example, a being could not have all possible power unless he also has all possible knowledge. He could not be all-knowing unless he was all-present. And so on and so forth. For this reason, God’s attributes cannot be ranked on a scale of importance as if some were more critical than others to who God is. All of God’s qualities are equally perfect, equally “infinite,” and equally ranked.

At the same time, human beings are not infinite, nor are we perfect. Our understanding has to come in steps and stages. For this reason, certain attributes of God must be understood before we can properly appreciate the others. When all is said and done, the starting point for understanding who God is, from a human perspective, is His holiness (see Isaiah 6:3). God’s holiness means that He is set apart from mankind, that He is something other than we are, in a radical and fundamental way. He is perfection, without a hint of unrighteousness. Before anything else about God makes sense, we must understanding that God is holy—without recognizing this uniqueness, none of His other qualities make sense.

More generally, we need to understand attributes of God that are “beyond” mankind before we can make sense of those more connected to human experience. God’s holiness, sovereignty, and omnipotence, for example, are crucial foundations for our understanding of His other qualities such as love and justice. As pointed out before, God’s perfection ensures none of those qualities are “more” or “less” present in God than the others. But, in order to grasp God to the extent the human mind is able, we can arrange those qualities in a certain logical order. That begins with His holiness, extends to His power (omnipotence, sovereignty, etc.), and then to His personality (love, mercy, justice, etc.).

LOVE GOD, LOVE THOSE HE LOVES

LOVE GOD, LOVE THOSE HE LOVES

(A FRIEND STORY)

The expression “Love me, love my dog” came to life when my wife and I got a puppy—a first for me. We adore Sophie and she adores us. Actually, she adores everyone. She is not only one of those hyperactive toy breeds, but also one that is famously sociable. She starts wagging her tail as soon as a new person enters her world, and within a second or two her tail is wagging the rest of her so hard that she nearly comes unglued. If the new person so much as acknowledges Sophie’s existence, she gets even more excited and eager to “bond.” This is when we find out who loves dogs and who doesn’t.

I’m about to make a larger point, but before I do, another little story that I think most parents will be able to relate to. When my children were small they acted, well, childish. They whined and cried over the littlest things, spilt more food and drink than they swallowed, broke stuff out of clumsiness and curiosity, and as soon as they were old enough to understand boundaries, began pushing them. I loved them anyway. They could be annoying, even aggravating, but they were only children, after all, and this was all part of the learning, maturing process. Plus they were mine. What really annoyed me was when others let their annoyance show. “Love me, love my children.”

In that context, the connection between the two rules for life that Jesus said encompass all the rest—love God, and love others1—becomes clearer. “Love God, love those He loves,” which is everyone. If we truly love God and believe that He created us in His own image, as the Bible says, we will love and respect each of His creations enough to try our best to understand and accept him or her—faults, foibles, and all.

—

Matthew 7:12 ESV / “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Romans 12:10 ESV / Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Philippians 2:3 ESV / Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Onyedikachi Kingsley Ogbonna

How to Have a Quiet Time as a Couple

How to Have a Quiet Time as a Couple

Phylicia Masonheimer

I’ll be honest: Josh and I have probably tried eighteen different “quiet time” formats in the last two years. It’s hard enough finding time for your own devotions; add another person’s schedule and the variables are endless!

Despite the difficulty, we continue to make an effort in this area. Whether you’re dating or newly married, pursuing God together is the surest way to build a strong relationship foundation. If you’re dating, spending time in God’s Word as a couple will strengthen your resolve for purity. If you’re married, regular devotional times will transform your attitudes toward one another. It’s no wonder the Enemy targets couples with distraction and busyness every time they sit down to pray!

Josh and I haven’t “arrived” in this area, but we’ve found some things that work. Despite three years of inconsistent work schedules, moving three times, and balancing work, home, and a baby, we’re proof that a quiet time is possible if you’re intentional about it. The following four principles are very simple, but it’s the simplicity that makes them work.

DESIGNATE A TIME

When we were dating, our “quiet time” was usually before each date. We found that reading and praying together strengthened the Spirit’s voice in our hearts when we were tempted to compromise. Every time we struggled with purity, we hadn’t spent time seeking God together. We hadn’t sought His protection over our hearts and minds. Even if we were getting together to watch a movie or eat out, we tried to make the first thing on our agenda a prayer time.

Once married, quiet times actually became harder. We worked two different shifts, we both traveled on business, and there were many weeks where the only time we saw each other was at bedtime. We realized it was more important to have the devotional time than to have it at the same time each day. Rather than saying, “We’ll pray together at 6 AM each morning,” we decided day-to-day what time worked best.

In some seasons, we read and prayed at night, when we were for sure together. In others we’d get up together and read over breakfast (which is what we do now). Find a time that works for you both.

It’s worthy to note that it is not “usurping leadership” to remind your boyfriend/husband of your commitment to meet God. That accountability will be very necessary. If he continues to be negligent about pursuing the Lord, 1) if you’re dating – ask yourself if you are actually equally yoked; 2) if you’re married, pray that God would transform his heart and give him a spirit of leadership. I have seen this prayer answered many times over when Josh was not leading as much as I’d wish. Rather than nagging, ask God to motivate him to step up.

PICK A PASSAGE

Josh and I have used a few books and devotionals to guide our quiet times, but we prefer to use the Bible itself. While devotionals provide some structure, they don’t get you in the Word of God – the seat of God’s power and influence.

Right now, Josh and I are doing my New Testament reading plan each morning. We take turns reading a passage using different versions of the Bible. This gives us a different perspective and promotes conversation.

If you’re just starting out, pick a small book (like one of the NT epistles) and read it in chunks. Don’t rush; you don’t need an end date. If you want to discuss verse by verse, do so! What matters is that you are in the Word together.

ASK QUESTIONS

My favorite Bible study method is SOAP: Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer. If you’re a couple who needs structure, this can be applied to any passage you read. It can also give you a groundwork for questions.

There is no such thing as a dumb question about the Bible. As you discuss the passage, any questions you can’t answer should be written down for future research (or better yet, research them together during your quiet time!). This doesn’t have to take long. Two or three questions will get you thinking deeper about the passage.

It’s important to engage with the text and with each other. Our temptation is to simply read the words and check “quiet time” off the list, but that’s not the purpose of it. For God to change us through His word, we need to “camp out” in it. This doesn’t mean you’re having an hour devotional time. Just make sure the time you have is completely focused on what you’re reading.

ENGAGE YOUR CHILDREN

Even if you don’t have kids yet, consider this habit of a couple’s quiet time as an investment in your future family. If you’re unable to make it a habit as a couple, it will be ten times harder with kids!

Now that Josh and I are parents, devotions take more effort. But we try to model this practice in Adeline’s view, and even include her in our study. At thirteen months old she may seem too young for what we’re doing, but the mere act of involving her creates an environment of discipleship.

One of my favorite resources for beginning discipleship is Addie’s Say and Pray Devotions by Diane Stortz. This book provides structure to a family “quiet time” while being age appropriate for babies. Each page contains a one sentence “devotion” and a short Bible verse. The illustration is pertinent to the devotional subject, and each object on the page is labeled so the child can learn new words. Adeline loves this book and I love reading it to her. It is a creative way to get her accustomed to God’s Word without going too far above her head.

Head over to my Instagram to enter a giveaway to win a Say and Pray Devotional for your baby or one you know!

ALWAYS CONCLUDE WITH PRAYER

Finally, always conclude your quiet time with prayer. Josh and I actually break this up; we read in the morning and pray together at night. Since Josh leaves for work right after we read together, we found it was better to pray before going to sleep. We’re guaranteed to be in the same place, and we can reflect on the passage we read throughout the day.

I know praying together sounds trite. Of course you should pray together – you’re a Christian couple! But honestly, how many of us truly make time to do this? Prayer is not so much about us as it is about God: Exposing our hearts to His transforming power. You cannot speak to God and remain unchanged. That’s why every Christian relationship needs prayer.

Don’t be ashamed of small beginnings in this area. Like I said: Josh and I are works in progress in this area! You will never get to a devotional plateau, with no more to learn about God or the Bible. What matters is that you try.

How to Grow Strong in Your Faith

How to Grow Strong in Your Faith

by Mark Altrogge

In Romans 4, Paul tells us Abraham “grew strong in his faith” and urges us to walk in Abraham’s footsteps. To believe like he believed. How do we do this?

In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be.” He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. (Romans 4:18–21)

Look to God’s promise not your circumstances.

In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations (18)

Abraham’s situation looked bleak. God promised him multitudes of descendants, but the only problem was he was well past child producing. “He considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old).” He also considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. Not only was Abraham almost 100 years old, but Sarah his wife was very old, and she had never been able to have children her whole life. How are they going to have children? If Abraham had based his hope on his circumstances he would have given up. But In hope he believed against hope—God’s promise gave him hope in his hopeless situation. He put his hope in God’s promise, not his circumstances.

We may feel hopelessly unrighteous. We may feel like God could never forgive us for the sins we have committed, that he would never accept us. But we must not look at ourselves, just like Abraham didn’t look at himself, but like Abraham, we must believe God’s promise of grace. He counts me righteous in Christ!

Our teenager may seem hopelessly lost. Our finances may be out of control. We may lack direction for our lives. Our marriage might be frustrating or our church might be a mess. Look to Jesus Christ! Don’t look to yourself. Look to the promise of the gospel—everyone who believes in him shall be saved. Look to his promises to draw near to those who draw near to him. Promises to hear and answer our prayers.

Give glory to God

No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. (20–21)

Abraham strengthened his faith. Here’s how: “He grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God.” Begin to give glory to God—start thanking and praising him for his every promise. Thank him for saving you and declaring you righteous in him. He has promised to be with us when we pass through the waters and walk through fire. He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us. He has promised that nothing will be able to separate us from his love. He has promised to give us everything we truly need to glorify him. He has promised that we can do all things he requires through Christ who loves us. Praise him for these things!

We can look to our circumstances—it may not LOOK like God is being faithful. It may not FEEL like God is with us in these waters. It may FEEL like he has abandoned or forsaken us. We may not SENSE his love. But WE MUST NOT WAVER CONCERNING THE PROMISE OF GOD! Rather, we grow strong in our faith as we GIVE GLORY TO GOD, as we are fully convinced that God is able to do what he had promised.

In Ps 43 the Psalmist says “Why are you cast down O my soul? Hope in God for I shall yet praise him.” Keep thanking God, keep praising him in faith in the midst of your hard times. Say, “Jesus thank you that you are with me. Thank you have promised that your steadfast love never ceases. Praise you that your mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.”

Growing stronger in our faith is not complicated. Look to God’s promise and glorify him. So, what are you going to believe today—God’s word or your circumstances? God’s promises or your feelings? God’s bedrock pledge of faithfulness or your wavering emotions? Walk in the footsteps of Abraham and strengthen your faith.

Is Grace a License to Sin?

Is Grace a License to Sin?
The question “Is Grace a License to
Sin?” has presented itself in the form of
numerous questions and statements in the
past, such as the following:
Does preaching Grace lead to a
careless lifestyle?
Won’t people run out and sin
recklessly if they get too “deep”
into the Grace message?
We can not preach Grace to a
new believer because they are
not mature enough to be trusted
with such freedom yet.
Taking the Law off believers gives
them a license to sin.
All these statements fly straight in the
face of what the Bible teaches about
Grace:
Tit 2:11 For the grace of God that brings
salvation has appeared to all men, 12
teaching us that, denying ungodliness and
worldly lusts, we should live soberly,
righteously, and godly in the present age.
(KJV)
Firstly let us consider how Grace
influences a person’s thinking. When we
comprehend what the message of Grace is
all about (how God pardoned the sins of
the whole world (Hebrews 10:17),
abolished the written code of the Law
(Colossians 2:14), set people at liberty to
live free from the fear of judgement and
punishment (1 John 4:18), how believers
are encouraged to have boldness when
approaching God (Hebrews 10:19-21), that
we can be confident that God will never
be angry with us ever again (Isaiah
54:9-10) and many other truths like these),
it is clear that a proper understanding of
these issues will in fact not encourage a
person to want to sin, but rather inspire
such a person to be more thankful towards
God for all He has done, to live a life
worthy of the sacrifice made by Jesus and
to deny ungodly conduct as stated in Titus
2:11-12 (above).
Mostly the arguments and questions
against the Grace message, such as the
ones we mentioned above, come from
people who are not necessarily afraid that
they themselves will be deceived into
wanting to commit more sins, but their
arguments are for other “weaker”
Christians who in their opinion do not yet
have the “maturity” to handle the
responsibility that comes with such
freedom. Therefore they encourage that
the truth of the Grace message be taught
with a healthy dose of Law mixed in to
warn these “weak” Christians against the
perils of sinning. How ironic isn’t it then
that the Bible teaches us that sin doesn’t
increase through Grace, but rather through
the Law:
Rom 5:20 God’s law was given so that all
people could see how sinful they were. But
as people sinned more and more, God’s
wonderful grace became more abundant
(NLT).
Grace actually came in and covered the
sins that were made more abundant
through the Law!
So for someone to say that Grace is a
license to sin, it simply serves to expose
such a person’s ignorance to what Grace
actually means and stands for. It reveals
that they don’t understand that the power
of the Holy Spirit inside a believer
(reminding them of their complete 100%
righteous standing before God) is an
infinitely stronger empowerment for “good
behavior” than threatening someone with
the Law. As a result the legalists can all
relax and come to terms with the fact that
the Holy Spirit can be trusted with the
transforming work in the life of a believer:
Phil 1:6 being confident of this very thing,
that He who has begun a good work in you
will complete it until the day of Jesus
Christ. (KJV)
Nobody appointed us as each other’s
moral policemen, so how can we ever try
to assume that function?
A good response whenever we hear
someone ask “Is Grace a licence to sin?”,
is whether a fear of punishment is their
only motivation for doing good. We do
good works and live a moral lifestyle
because we WANT TO (the desires of the
Holy Spirit working in and through us), not
because we fear the consequences if we
don’t.
The truth is that Grace can never be
reduced to an “acceptable” level to
compensate for the insecurities of
legalists. Due to the extreme nature of the
Law, Grace needs to be preached in its
purest form as well in order to free people
from the poison of “works based”
mindsets.
Check out this awesome article by Bas
Rijksen: Should you be careful not abuse
Grace? NEVER.

Question: "What is the baptism of/by/with fire?"

Question: "What is the baptism of/by/with fire?"

Answer: John the Baptist came preaching
repentance and baptizing in the wilderness of
Judea, and he was sent as a herald to announce
the arrival of Jesus, the Son of God ( Matthew
3:1-12 ). He announced, “I indeed baptize you
with water unto repentance, but He who is
coming after me is mightier than I, whose
sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will
baptize you with the Holy Spirit and
fire” ( Matthew 3:11 ).
After Jesus had risen from the dead, He
instructed His apostles to “…wait for the
Promise of the Father which you have heard
from Me; for John truly baptized with water, but
you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not
many days from now” ( Acts 1:4-5 ). This promise
was first fulfilled on the day of Pentecost ( Acts
2:1-4 ), and the baptism of the Spirit joins every
believer to the body of Christ ( 1 Corinthians
12:13 ). But what about the baptism with fire?
Some interpret the baptism of fire as referring
to the day of Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit
was sent from heaven. “And suddenly there
came a sound from heaven, as of a rushing
mighty wind, and it filled the whole house where
they were sitting. Then there appeared to them
divided tongues, as of fire, and one sat upon
each of them” ( Acts 2:2-3 ). It is important to
note that these were tongues as of fire, not
literal fire.
Some believe that the baptism with fire refers to
the Holy Spirit’s office as the energizer of the
believer’s service, and the purifier of evil within,
because of the exhortation “Do not quench the
Spirit” found in 1Thessalonians 5:19 . The
command to the believer is to not put out the
Spirit’s fire by suppressing His ministry.
A third and more likely interpretation is that the
baptism of fire refers to judgment. In all four
Gospel passages mentioned above, Mark and
John speak of the baptism of the Holy Spirit,
but only Matthew and Luke mention the baptism
with fire. The immediate context of Matthew
and Luke is judgment ( Matthew 3:7-12 ; Luke 3:
7-17 ). The context of Mark and John is not
( Mark 1:1-8 ; John 1:29-34 ). We know that the
Lord Jesus is coming in flaming fire to judge
those who do not know God ( 2 Thessalonians
1:3-10 ; John 5:21-23 ; Revelation 20:11-15 ), but
praise be to God that He will save all that will
come and put their trust in Him ( John 3:16 )!