John C. Maxwell: 4 Ways to Reach Your Personal Best

John C. Maxwell: 4 Ways to Reach Your Personal Best

By John C. Maxwell | August 10, 2016 | 0 

Look in the mirror—that’s your competition.
Related: John C. Maxwell: Are You Stretching toward Your Goals or Just Coasting?
Thinking about that adage the other day, I remembered a talk by swimmer Diana Nyad. Turning 60, Nyad was driving and saw her eyes during a glance in the rearview mirror. The moment prompted introspection on what she calls “the one that got away.”
Her most coveted goal was swimming nonstop from Florida to Cuba. In her 20s, she had attempted it after conquering several other long-distance challenges, but the 111-mile stretch through shark- and jellyfish-infested water defeated her.
While many of us would be enjoying our newly acquired senior discounts, Nyad was returning to the water. She hadn’t swum in 31 years, not a stroke, she told her audience. But that face in the mirror was determined. She spent hours at a time in the water training—eight, 10, 12—to regain her strength, stamina and technique. She finally thought she had reached 15 hours, but her trainer clocked her at 14 hours, 58 minutes and told her not to worry about the two-minute shortfall. Nyad would have none of it. She jumped back in and swam until the stopwatch hit 15:00:00. That’s commitment!
To reach your personal best, you need to learn how to challenge the person the mirror. He or she is your toughest adversary. Discovering how to overcome your limitations, fears, self-doubts —and the tendency to write off those last two minutes in the pool—will do more for your development than defeating a dozen competitors. Here’s what to do.
1. Be growth-minded, not goal-minded.
I love to win, and you probably do, too. It’s natural to make winning your ultimate goal, like a sports team hungering for a championship ring or a swimmer wanting to
set a record. But you have to be careful about directing too much energy into one goal, like Nyad’s late-in-life swim.
If you obsess over a singular event, what happens if you lose? Or for that matter, what happens after you win? Ever heard of a Super Bowl hangover? A lot of times, the champs flounder the next season.
That’s why I like to concentrate on growth rather than goals: That game is never over. We’re not distraught if we’ve lost, and we haven’t peaked if we’ve won. There’s always room to improve.
Nyad’s career was actually a succession of accomplishments: She had broken the women’s world record for a 22-mile swim from Capri to Naples, Italy; shattered the top time for swimming around Manhattan by an hour; and trounced the open-ocean world record for men and women in a 102.5-mile swim from the Bahamas to Florida. She grew, setting new marks time and again.
Would anybody have thought less of her if she never again put on a swimsuit? Of course not. But she saw an opportunity to grow further and set a new standard—for swimmers and for all of us worried about the limits of aging bodies.
She met that goal and set another: Nyad and her Cuba swim expedition leader Bonnie Stoll have founded EverWalk, a campaign to improve health by walking. Nyad and Stoll call it the “biggest walking initiative in American history.”
2. Emphasize gradual progress.
Anyone who has tried to lose weight knows fixating on the big number is a sure way to fail. Twenty pounds is intimidating—and discouraging when the scale seems to barely budge; 2 pounds is manageable. Achieve a 2-pound goal 10 times, and you drop two sizes and earn a shopping trip.
Yes, emphasizing growth over goals is critical, but goals do have their place in competition. I think of them as milestones on the journey of growth. Set incremental ones—as with the weight-loss example—and celebrate each time you achieve one before moving to the next.
Developing small disciplines helps. As part of my daily work routine, for example, I read or listen to someone else’s teaching with a goal of capturing at least one quote to use in future speaking opportunities. Salespeople make phone calls daily, touching base with past clients and reaching out to prospects; the most successful ones have the discipline to make a set number of calls daily, with an occasional challenge day in which they push themselves to dial a few more.
Big success tomorrow depends on the little things you do today.
Related: 3 Daily Habits of Very Successful People
3. Develop your strengths.
When I was growing up, my parents encouraged me to find the one thing I did best and channel my energy toward it. This was incredibly liberating. I didn’t have to worry about being all things to all people. I could simply grow my given talents, pushing myself to be better and better.
Countless athletes play multiple sports as kids. But the ones who go on to play in college or professionally almost always give up a sport they play well to focus on one in which they can become great. The same applies to you: Identify your natural strengths and pursue them with passion .
Research bears this out. For years, Gallup has studied the advantages of developing strengths instead of trying to fix weaknesses. One finding: People who use their strengths every day are six times more likely to be engaged on the job. You won’t push yourself to new heights if your heart isn’t in your work.
4. Partner with other winners.
Learning to push yourself is critical. But it’s easy to lose sight of how well you’re doing or pinpoint your weaknesses if you depend only on your own perspective.
The solution? Get a mentor . I’ve had the privilege of being coached by some of the brightest people in their fields. It is amazing how much difference their insight and advice make. Years ago while working on my first book, I was lucky enough to partner with publishing professional Les Stobbe. I sent him samples of my work and asked for his opinion because I was worried about the quality. I appreciated his writing tips (and I’m sure my readers did, too!), but what I really valued was his encouragement . Largely because of him, I pushed myself to write and write and write. I can reach a far greater audience in print than I ever could as a speaker.
***
Back to Nyad: Her quest initially failed. Jellyfish attacked. Their stings felt like fire, and their poison started to shut down her respiratory system. At the time, she said her dream was crushed.
Only it wasn’t. Those slimy critters didn’t extinguish her competitive flame. In another attempt in 2013, at age 64, she swam from Key West to Havana—the first person to do so without a protective cage. Nyad had vowed to find a way, and for her triumphant effort, she wore a suit and mask that protected her from stings.
“Never, ever give up,” she said in interviews following her feat.
We can all live by those words.

Related: 10 Steps to Achieve Any Goal
This article originally appeared in the
September 2016 issue of SUCCESS magazine.

John C. Maxwell
John C. Maxwell, an internationally respected leadership expert, speaker, and author who has sold more than 18 million books, has been named an inaugural SUCCESS Ambassador. Dr. Maxwell is the founder of EQUIP, a non-profit organization that has trained more than 5 million leaders in 126 countries worldwide. A New York Times , Wall Street Journal and BusinessWeek ; best-selling author, Maxwell has written three books that have sold more than a million copies.

John C. Maxwell: 4 Ways to Reach Your Personal Best

John C. Maxwell: 4 Ways to Reach Your Personal Best

By John C. Maxwell | August 10, 2016 | 0 

Look in the mirror—that’s your competition.
Related: John C. Maxwell: Are You Stretching toward Your Goals or Just Coasting?
Thinking about that adage the other day, I remembered a talk by swimmer Diana Nyad. Turning 60, Nyad was driving and saw her eyes during a glance in the rearview mirror. The moment prompted introspection on what she calls “the one that got away.”
Her most coveted goal was swimming nonstop from Florida to Cuba. In her 20s, she had attempted it after conquering several other long-distance challenges, but the 111-mile stretch through shark- and jellyfish-infested water defeated her.
While many of us would be enjoying our newly acquired senior discounts, Nyad was returning to the water. She hadn’t swum in 31 years, not a stroke, she told her audience. But that face in the mirror was determined. She spent hours at a time in the water training—eight, 10, 12—to regain her strength, stamina and technique. She finally thought she had reached 15 hours, but her trainer clocked her at 14 hours, 58 minutes and told her not to worry about the two-minute shortfall. Nyad would have none of it. She jumped back in and swam until the stopwatch hit 15:00:00. That’s commitment!
To reach your personal best, you need to learn how to challenge the person the mirror. He or she is your toughest adversary. Discovering how to overcome your limitations, fears, self-doubts —and the tendency to write off those last two minutes in the pool—will do more for your development than defeating a dozen competitors. Here’s what to do.
1. Be growth-minded, not goal-minded.
I love to win, and you probably do, too. It’s natural to make winning your ultimate goal, like a sports team hungering for a championship ring or a swimmer wanting to
set a record. But you have to be careful about directing too much energy into one goal, like Nyad’s late-in-life swim.
If you obsess over a singular event, what happens if you lose? Or for that matter, what happens after you win? Ever heard of a Super Bowl hangover? A lot of times, the champs flounder the next season.
That’s why I like to concentrate on growth rather than goals: That game is never over. We’re not distraught if we’ve lost, and we haven’t peaked if we’ve won. There’s always room to improve.
Nyad’s career was actually a succession of accomplishments: She had broken the women’s world record for a 22-mile swim from Capri to Naples, Italy; shattered the top time for swimming around Manhattan by an hour; and trounced the open-ocean world record for men and women in a 102.5-mile swim from the Bahamas to Florida. She grew, setting new marks time and again.
Would anybody have thought less of her if she never again put on a swimsuit? Of course not. But she saw an opportunity to grow further and set a new standard—for swimmers and for all of us worried about the limits of aging bodies.
She met that goal and set another: Nyad and her Cuba swim expedition leader Bonnie Stoll have founded EverWalk, a campaign to improve health by walking. Nyad and Stoll call it the “biggest walking initiative in American history.”
2. Emphasize gradual progress.
Anyone who has tried to lose weight knows fixating on the big number is a sure way to fail. Twenty pounds is intimidating—and discouraging when the scale seems to barely budge; 2 pounds is manageable. Achieve a 2-pound goal 10 times, and you drop two sizes and earn a shopping trip.
Yes, emphasizing growth over goals is critical, but goals do have their place in competition. I think of them as milestones on the journey of growth. Set incremental ones—as with the weight-loss example—and celebrate each time you achieve one before moving to the next.
Developing small disciplines helps. As part of my daily work routine, for example, I read or listen to someone else’s teaching with a goal of capturing at least one quote to use in future speaking opportunities. Salespeople make phone calls daily, touching base with past clients and reaching out to prospects; the most successful ones have the discipline to make a set number of calls daily, with an occasional challenge day in which they push themselves to dial a few more.
Big success tomorrow depends on the little things you do today.
Related: 3 Daily Habits of Very Successful People
3. Develop your strengths.
When I was growing up, my parents encouraged me to find the one thing I did best and channel my energy toward it. This was incredibly liberating. I didn’t have to worry about being all things to all people. I could simply grow my given talents, pushing myself to be better and better.
Countless athletes play multiple sports as kids. But the ones who go on to play in college or professionally almost always give up a sport they play well to focus on one in which they can become great. The same applies to you: Identify your natural strengths and pursue them with passion .
Research bears this out. For years, Gallup has studied the advantages of developing strengths instead of trying to fix weaknesses. One finding: People who use their strengths every day are six times more likely to be engaged on the job. You won’t push yourself to new heights if your heart isn’t in your work.
4. Partner with other winners.
Learning to push yourself is critical. But it’s easy to lose sight of how well you’re doing or pinpoint your weaknesses if you depend only on your own perspective.
The solution? Get a mentor . I’ve had the privilege of being coached by some of the brightest people in their fields. It is amazing how much difference their insight and advice make. Years ago while working on my first book, I was lucky enough to partner with publishing professional Les Stobbe. I sent him samples of my work and asked for his opinion because I was worried about the quality. I appreciated his writing tips (and I’m sure my readers did, too!), but what I really valued was his encouragement . Largely because of him, I pushed myself to write and write and write. I can reach a far greater audience in print than I ever could as a speaker.
***
Back to Nyad: Her quest initially failed. Jellyfish attacked. Their stings felt like fire, and their poison started to shut down her respiratory system. At the time, she said her dream was crushed.
Only it wasn’t. Those slimy critters didn’t extinguish her competitive flame. In another attempt in 2013, at age 64, she swam from Key West to Havana—the first person to do so without a protective cage. Nyad had vowed to find a way, and for her triumphant effort, she wore a suit and mask that protected her from stings.
“Never, ever give up,” she said in interviews following her feat.
We can all live by those words.

Related: 10 Steps to Achieve Any Goal
This article originally appeared in the
September 2016 issue of SUCCESS magazine.

John C. Maxwell
John C. Maxwell, an internationally respected leadership expert, speaker, and author who has sold more than 18 million books, has been named an inaugural SUCCESS Ambassador. Dr. Maxwell is the founder of EQUIP, a non-profit organization that has trained more than 5 million leaders in 126 countries worldwide. A New York Times , Wall Street Journal and BusinessWeek ; best-selling author, Maxwell has written three books that have sold more than a million copies.

TED Talks: ‘8 Secrets of Success’

TED Talks: ‘8 Secrets of Success’

November 16, 2016 / TED /

Richard St. John, marketer and success analyst, has dedicated several years to researching the nuts and bolts of achievement. It all started with one big question: What leads to success? It came from a neighboring passenger during a flight to a TED conference, and at the time he didn’t have a good answer.
Related: 12 Simple Habits That Set Ultra-Successful People Apart
Prompted by the question, he decided to conduct 500 interviews on the subject, pulling wisdom from successful TEDsters along the way. After absorbing as much as he could, St. John compiled eight powerful secrets of successful people. In this TED Talk, he shares those important success habits.
1. Passion
“Freeman Thomas says, ‘I"m driven by my passion.’ TEDsters do it for love; they don"t do it for money.”
2. Work
“Rupert Murdoch said to me, ‘It"s all hard work. Nothing comes easily. But I have a lot of fun.’ Did he say fun? Rupert? Yes!”
3. Get Good
“Alex Garden says, ‘To be successful, put your nose down in something and get damn good at it.’ There"s no magic; it"s practice, practice, practice.”
4. Push
David Gallo says, ‘Push yourself. Physically, mentally, you"ve got to push, push, push.’ You"ve got to push through shyness and self-doubt.”
5. Support (aka moms)
“Frank Gehry said to me, ‘My mother pushed me.’ ”
6. Serve
“A lot of kids want to be millionaires. The first thing I say is: ‘OK, well you can"t serve yourself; you"ve got to serve others something of value. Because that"s the way people really get rich.’ “
7. Ideas
St. John says there’s no magical secret to coming up with ideas, only a process of thinking. A few simple exercises will do the trick, such as:
Listening
Observing
Being curious
Asking questions
Solving problems
Making connections
8. Persistence
“Persist! Joe Kraus says, ‘Persistence is the number one reason for our success.’ You"ve got to persist through failure.”
Related: 5 Characteristics of Highly Successful People

5 Deliberate Steps to Master a Skill

5 Deliberate Steps to Master a Skill

By Mel Robbins |

I grew up cheering for the Detroit Pistons, but even I can admit Kobe Bryant was one of the greatest NBA players of all time. The fascinating part? He wasn’t born gifted. He’s an exceptionally hard worker. One trainer recounted how Bryant would exercise from 4:15 to 7 a.m. and then play basketball until the team’s practice at 11 a.m. Yes, Bryant trained for seven hours before practice even began.
Once he had five NBA championships under his belt, Bryant would still engage in grueling four-hour workouts on game days.
It’s easy to look at the masters in any field—be it Bryant, Mozart or Oprah—and credit their skills to genetics, innate abilities and hours of practice. But research on the science of peak performance has shown that it’s not just talent and hours of practice that lead to expertise. Instead it’s the type of practice one does. We can all reach mastery-level greatness through hard work, discipline and something called deliberate practice , or the process of understanding your weaknesses and then making considerable efforts to learn the skills you lack.
Related: Are You Willing to Do Whatever It Takes?
To improve at anything, you must push yourself beyond your comfort zone. When you put sustained effort toward improving your weaknesses, you will grow. This is the logic behind deliberate practice, a research-backed tool introduced by researcher Anders Ericsson.
For the past 30 years, Ericsson has studied the masters. His research has shown that how you practice matters much more than how much you practice. Experts become great by focusing on improving their weaknesses. Many people focus only on practicing things they can do effortlessly, but this never leads to improvement. Working hard just to work hard will exhaust you. Working hard for the purpose of improving is the secret to success.
Related: ‘8 Secrets of Success’
Another important factor of deliberate practice is constant feedback. You must monitor your progress so you can make adjustments. Without feedback, you won’t know how to improve. Reach out to others in your field and ask for criticism and advice.
Measuring your progress is also a key component of deliberate practice. Bryant measured his progress in many ways, such as counting the number of baskets he made daily. Every single day, he forced himself to make 400 shots. He never allowed himself to stop improving, even as his fame increased. You can measure anything: the number of cold calls you make, the pace you run or the amount of times you pitch your business.
Just like Bryant, you can incorporate deliberate practice into your own life with these steps.
1. Identify your goals and write them down. Research shows writing down your goals will help you complete 33 percent more of them.
2. Identify your weakest link and what is keeping you from achieving your goals.
3. Purposely and deliberately work on improving this skill.
4. Seek feedback from others.
5. Push yourself to show up and do it again and again.
Bryant wasn’t born a great NBA player. But by using deliberate practice, he became a master. And you know what? You can, too.
Related: How to Push Yourself to Greatness
This article originally appeared in the January 2017 issue of SUCCESS magazine .
Mel Robbins
Mel Robbins is a contributing editor to
SUCCESS magazine, best-selling author, CNN commentator, creator of the “5 Second Rule” and the busiest female motivational speaker in the world. To find out more, visit her website: MelRobbins.com . To follow her on Twitter: Twitter.com/melrobbins

3 Keys to Mastering the Art of Consistency

3 Keys to Mastering the Art of Consistency

By Simon T. Bailey |

Oftentimes, we think success is about doing things over and over again until we finally see results. But if you’ve ever been in a rut, you know that’s not always what works.
To really see upward movement in your life, you have to learn how to create a consistency cocktail. Consistency is made up of three key ingredients and, like any good cocktail, they should not be used in equal amounts.
Related: 10 Tips for Consistent Personal Growth
Ingredient 1: Walking the Walk
This first ingredient makes up the largest part of your cocktail. “Walking your walk” (and not just “talking your talk”) describes the little steps you take throughout the day that breathe life into your values. It’s not enough to just say you have values. You actually have to live them out in the small moments that make up your day.
For example, one of my core values is caring for the least, the last, and the forgotten. This shapes how I talk to people, what projects I accept, and the way I invest my money.
Ingredient 2: Connecting to Your Why
Constantly reminding yourself of the meaning,
the why behind your actions will allow you to power through even when you’re tired, stressed out or unmotivated.
I am caring for my health better than I ever have, and it’s because I am more connected to my why: I want to stay fit so I can live for a long time for my children and their children, not because I want to look good in photos. Once you make this mental shift, everything will change.
Ingredient 3: A Little Disruption
This is the magic ingredient—you just need a pinch of it. Consistency without disruption is simply a routine. Disruption means moving from the status quo to the cutting edge.
I am a huge believer in conducting a self-review every 90 days. That period of time is long enough to ensure you’re not jumping from goal to goal, but it’s regular enough to keep you from getting into a rut.
During your self-review, ask yourself: What have been my major successes in the past three months? How have I moved forward? Am I still moving in the direction I want to go? Is there a better way to do things?
Mixed correctly, this cocktail will allow you to develop confidence and become more purposeful with how you use your time and energy.
Related: What Is My Purpose in Life?
This article originally appeared in the September/October 2019 issue of SUCCESS magazine.
Photo by @kurteggering via Twenty20
Simon T. Bailey
Simon T. Bailey teaches people around the world how to build a bridge from their current reality to their brilliant future. He is the author of Shift Your Brilliance: Harness the Power of You, Inc. , and Brilliant Living: 31 Insights to Creating An Awesome Life, and when he’s not working, he enjoys rooting for the Buffalo Bills (his hometown team).

4 Powerful Habits That Will Change Your Life

4 Powerful Habits That Will Change Your Life

By Mick Ukleja |

If we don’t learn good habits , life becomes more difficult. We have a choice: Get hard on ourselves so life becomes easier, or get easy on ourselves resulting in life getting harder.
Successful people choose good habits over a stagnant life. At first it might not seem like you are accomplishing much, but don’t be fooled. “Small hinges open big doors.”
Not all good habits are created equal. Some are more powerful than others. Here are four powerful habits that will strengthen your confidence, help you get what you want and result in a satisfying journey.
Related: 4 Science-Backed Habits to Make You More Successful
1. Embrace life, don’t resist it.
When things aren’t working, our first action is often resistance. Instead of resisting, take a moment to consider what isn’t working and why. This kind of information is valuable.
Tough times can be used to disrupt stagnant patterns in thinking. If we embrace the disruption, it can have a purifying effect that knocks off the rust and barnacles we naturally collect on our daily voyage. Embracing life is resisting stagnation.
Life might wreck your plans when your plans are about to wreck you. So pay close attention.
2. Affirm yourself, don’t degrade yourself.
One of the most common ways to degrade ourselves is to ask the wrong questions. Wrong questions are disempowering. They immediately change our subconscious thought patterns from positive to negative, or vice versa. They are powerful.
Question: Why can’t I lose weight? Answer:
Because you’re a pig!
Question: Why can’t I do things right? Answer: Because you’re not smart!
Question: Why am I so broke? Answer:
Because you’re a loser!
Ask a bad question and you’ll get a bad answer. This is how our subconscious mind works. Because the conscious mind programs the subconscious, take charge. Good questions lead to productive answers.
What are the top two things I can do to lose weight?
What is a better way to do this?
What are three things I can do to increase my cash flow?
Asking the right question is empowering.
3. Brainstorm, don’t blame-storm.
Blame-storming is using our creative abilities to come up with reasons why something is not our fault. This creates an emotional roadblock to healthy living called resentment. It comes from the Latin words “re” and “sentire,” which means “to feel over and over again.” It’s almost exclusively internalized, which makes it different from anger even though it can accompany the emotion.
It’s tempting to wallow in resentment because it provides a feeling of control. But that is an illusion. The past is no more. There is no control. How can we disempower the past from stealing the present? Through brainstorming, you come to the realization that your past deepens you but does not define you,
deter you or defeat you.
It is a part of your maturity but not your identity. Your past has made you stronger for today. You are not a prisoner of your past. You are a pioneer of your future. And you have power in the present.
4. Do something, not everything.
It’s good to be resilient—to a point. Sometimes quitting is the smartest thing to do. There are times when I look at my to-do list and complete one or two of the items quickly, just by eliminating them. For example, if I have 10 things on my list, Pareto’s Principle reminds me that 80 percent of my results comes from 20 percent of my effort. Let me get those top two done first and I’ll go from there. To not do this is to spread myself too thin. Time to prune the list.
The secret of concentration is elimination. This leads to productive living and has health benefits as well—a needed message for a society of high achievers .
In Think Like a Freak: The Authors of Freakonomics Offer to Retrain Your Brain, people who quit unattainable goals saw physical and psychological benefits, including:
Less depressive symptoms and negative affect
Lower cortisol levels
Lower systemic inflammation
Better immune functioning
Fewer physical health problems over time
This is not a polemic for a carefree life! The happiest people are busy but in control. They are not rushed.
“Be quick, but not in a hurry.” —Coach John Wooden
It’s a matter of control. You can do anything when you quit trying to do everything.
Related: 10 ‘Harmless’ Habits to Drop If You Want to Be Successful
This post originally appeared on
LeadershipTraQ.com
Mick Ukleja
Mick Ukleja, Ph.D., is the founder and president of LeadershipTraQ. He empowers leaders to optimize their talent and equips them to excel in their professional and personal life. Mick is an author, speaker and generational strategist. He writes and speaks on engaging millennials at work. He is the co-author of Managing the Millennials: Discover the Core Competencies for Managing Today’s Workforce, 2nd Edition, which is used in corporate training and business schools. He co-founded the Ukleja Center for Ethical Leadership at California State University, Long Beach, which promotes ethics across the curriculum. Mick is an adjunct professor in the MBA program at Concordia University. His book Who Are You? What Do You Want? has been praised by legendary coach John Wooden: “I have always taught that success can be achieved by each one of us. These principles provide an excellent life-planning guide for bringing out your best.” Mick has been featured on Fox News, CNN, Fox Business Network, NBC and in numerous publications. Keep up with Mick at
Leadershiptraq.com .

4 Powerful Habits That Will Change Your Life

4 Powerful Habits That Will Change Your Life
By Mick Ukleja | April 18, 2017 | 0 
If we don’t learn good habits , life becomes more difficult. We have a choice: Get hard on ourselves so life becomes easier, or get easy on ourselves resulting in life getting harder.
Successful people choose good habits over a stagnant life. At first it might not seem like you are accomplishing much, but don’t be fooled. “Small hinges open big doors.”
Not all good habits are created equal. Some are more powerful than others. Here are four powerful habits that will strengthen your confidence, help you get what you want and result in a satisfying journey.
Related: 4 Science-Backed Habits to Make You More Successful
1. Embrace life, don’t resist it.
When things aren’t working, our first action is often resistance. Instead of resisting, take a moment to consider what isn’t working and why. This kind of information is valuable.
Tough times can be used to disrupt stagnant patterns in thinking. If we embrace the disruption, it can have a purifying effect that knocks off the rust and barnacles we naturally collect on our daily voyage. Embracing life is resisting stagnation.
Life might wreck your plans when your plans are about to wreck you. So pay close attention.
2. Affirm yourself, don’t degrade yourself.
One of the most common ways to degrade ourselves is to ask the wrong questions. Wrong questions are disempowering. They immediately change our subconscious thought patterns from positive to negative, or vice versa. They are powerful.
Question: Why can’t I lose weight? Answer:
Because you’re a pig!
Question: Why can’t I do things right? Answer: Because you’re not smart!
Question: Why am I so broke? Answer:
Because you’re a loser!
Ask a bad question and you’ll get a bad answer. This is how our subconscious mind works. Because the conscious mind programs the subconscious, take charge. Good questions lead to productive answers.
What are the top two things I can do to lose weight?
What is a better way to do this?
What are three things I can do to increase my cash flow?
Asking the right question is empowering.
3. Brainstorm, don’t blame-storm.
Blame-storming is using our creative abilities to come up with reasons why something is not our fault. This creates an emotional roadblock to healthy living called resentment. It comes from the Latin words “re” and “sentire,” which means “to feel over and over again.” It’s almost exclusively internalized, which makes it different from anger even though it can accompany the emotion.
It’s tempting to wallow in resentment because it provides a feeling of control. But that is an illusion. The past is no more. There is no control. How can we disempower the past from stealing the present? Through brainstorming, you come to the realization that your past deepens you but does not define you,
deter you or defeat you.
It is a part of your maturity but not your identity. Your past has made you stronger for today. You are not a prisoner of your past. You are a pioneer of your future. And you have power in the present.
4. Do something, not everything.
It’s good to be resilient—to a point. Sometimes quitting is the smartest thing to do. There are times when I look at my to-do list and complete one or two of the items quickly, just by eliminating them. For example, if I have 10 things on my list, Pareto’s Principle reminds me that 80 percent of my results comes from 20 percent of my effort. Let me get those top two done first and I’ll go from there. To not do this is to spread myself too thin. Time to prune the list.
The secret of concentration is elimination. This leads to productive living and has health benefits as well—a needed message for a society of high achievers .
In Think Like a Freak: The Authors of Freakonomics Offer to Retrain Your Brain, people who quit unattainable goals saw physical and psychological benefits, including:
Less depressive symptoms and negative affect
Lower cortisol levels
Lower systemic inflammation
Better immune functioning
Fewer physical health problems over time
This is not a polemic for a carefree life! The happiest people are busy but in control. They are not rushed.
“Be quick, but not in a hurry.” —Coach John Wooden
It’s a matter of control. You can do anything when you quit trying to do everything.
Related: 10 ‘Harmless’ Habits to Drop If You Want to Be Successful
This post originally appeared on
LeadershipTraQ.com
Mick Ukleja
Mick Ukleja, Ph.D., is the founder and president of LeadershipTraQ. He empowers leaders to optimize their talent and equips them to excel in their professional and personal life. Mick is an author, speaker and generational strategist. He writes and speaks on engaging millennials at work. He is the co-author of Managing the Millennials: Discover the Core Competencies for Managing Today’s Workforce, 2nd Edition, which is used in corporate training and business schools. He co-founded the Ukleja Center for Ethical Leadership at California State University, Long Beach, which promotes ethics across the curriculum. Mick is an adjunct professor in the MBA program at Concordia University. His book Who Are You? What Do You Want? has been praised by legendary coach John Wooden: “I have always taught that success can be achieved by each one of us. These principles provide an excellent life-planning guide for bringing out your best.” Mick has been featured on Fox News, CNN, Fox Business Network, NBC and in numerous publications. Keep up with Mick at
Leadershiptraq.com .